Just when I thought I had strength...

Living abroad can be exciting, full of new adventures and people, and a time to focus on my personal growth. However, with a low command of the Russian and Ukrainian languages, I am finding that sometimes I forget there is an entire world apart from my daily existence. Until it comes crashing down…

My life did not come crashing down by any means, but the last couple weeks have brought about some difficult news. Even though I learned a lot of information at the PEPFAR Conference (the U.S. President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief), it was a heavy topic for me… especially when learning about the HIV/AIDS situation in Ukraine.

Among the Ukrainian population, awareness of how to prevent HIV infection is rather weak. This may explain why the rate of HIV infection has more than doubled since 2001 (with 440,000 people being infected – which is 1.6% of the population). There are non-profit organizations attempting to raise awareness, but, in general, prevention methods are not being communicated and taught. It’s safe to say that many teachers and parents are extremely uncomfortable to discuss these topics with students in their lives; so, for the most part, HIV/AIDS is not discussed. This is dreadfully scary. We will work on a project to change this in my community.

We had one woman from Ukraine speak about her experiences living as an HIV positive person in Ukraine. One of her comments struck me when she was speaking about her son, who lived in an orphanage the first few years of his life. She eventually took him from the orphanage, but said during the interview, “He didn’t hear my lullabies then, but he hears them now.”

Another activity that made an impression on me was when we were assigned small groups among the volunteers. I encourage you to try this right now… If you were given the following ten cards and had to choose to keep control of only five in your life, which would you choose? You must give up (or lose control of) five.

1. Loved One: partner, lover, spouse, best friend, family
2. Residence: house, apartment
3. Bodily Functions: sight, hearing, taste, sex, bowel and bladder control
4. Physical Appearance: weight loss, skin condition, overall physical condition
5. Mental Reasoning: sanity, memory, coherency, speech
6. Independence: privacy, ability to make decisions, self-determination
7. Physical Mobility: ability to run/walk, ability to operate a bike, car or other means of transportation
8. Future Plans: vacations, travel, holidays, career, children
9. Favorite Activity: art, music, dancing, sports, hiking, pets
10. Finances: money, bank account balance, credit cards, savings, job

Choose your five now.

Then, we discussed our choices with our group members.

Afterwards, I had to turn my five cards upside down and let someone take two more cards away from me. It was so difficult to imagine losing control of yet two more areas in my life. It must be so difficult for not only people living with HIV/AIDS, but any chronic condition. Please send me any thoughts you had about this activity…

So last week we were dealing with a heavy topic. But in addition to this, constant communication with other volunteers offers a chance to connect and support each other. I had two friends hear from their families back at home regarding family members’ health. One of my friends was distraught to learn that her six-year old nephew lost his battle to cancer. Even though it was known before, nothing can prepare someone for such a loss. This was happening while another friend learned that her father’s treatment of cancer was unsuccessful – after the radiation and chemotherapy, the cancer was still living throughout his body. I attempted to support them as best as I could, but sometimes I feel ill-equipped, unable, and lost.

All this news comes as I’m learning that an aunt of mine has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Let the fight begin again… only three months after another one of my aunt’s was diagnosed with colon cancer. Not even sure where to begin untangling the feelings associated with all of these events, but I try.

Not everything has been discouraging. I was able to spend time with friends in Kyiv, spend one last night in Ukraine with a dear friend who decided to end her Peace Corps contract early, live vicariously through a friend who recently returned from his visit to Portland, and even enjoy a BBQ dinner with my Kgrad Oblast mates. It has been a remarkable couple of weeks!

Tomorrow launches the Women’s Day celebration in Ukraine! At school, students and teachers will switch roles – literally. I know the teachers are excited to “goof off” during the lessons to give the students a taste of their own medicine. Then, the teachers will have a celebration after the students go home for the weekend. It should be fun…

All in all, I’ve had an amazing couple of weeks.
Thank you for your continual support,
Nat

P.S. While at the conference, we watched the film "A Closer Walk" - which I highly recommend! (http://www.acloserwalk.org/)